edward eugene baskett/tink: letters to chris matthews

Tink: Letters to Chris Matthews I

[edward eugene baskett]

Subject: GOOD NEWS AND BAD NEWS
DEAR CHRISTOPHER -

Your program tonight was great, and I really enjoyed it. Good to see you so jovial and "frisky." Your hair was, once again, perfect. Guess the hairdressers in New York are better than those in Secaucus. I really like the backdrop moving slowly in back of you. It is actually quite hypnotic.

You still need improvement in looking into the camera when you go to break. I hate saying this, but if you don't start, I will be left with no alternative other than to instruct Mrs. Matthews to hide your cigars when you are at home. I'm gonna tell her that no matter how much you yell and scream, she must stand firm. I have not brought up this subject in quite awhile, but now it's time to "bring on the heavy artillery."

Regarding Rush Limbaugh, pay him no mind. As my mother used to say, "Never argue with a fool. Bystanders won't know which is which."

Tink

Subject: ARI FLEISCHER
DEAR CHRISTOPHER -

Your debate with Ari was superb! As always, you "came out on top."

The next time you have him on HARDBALL, be sure to walk into the Green Room and whisper this into his ear:

"Choose your words wisely. You might have to eat them."

The correlative Scripture is, "Be not as the horse or mule whose tongue must be held in with bit and bridle."

Tink

Subject: SARAH PALIN - GET RID OF HER!!!
DEAR CHRISTOPHER -

A few weeks ago, I wrote to you a letter with the above subject line. Well, it has happened according to what I have seen and heard on MSNBC today. She is being dropped like the proverbial hot cake from the Republican Party.

Have you noticed that some of my letters seem to be prophetic in nature? At times, it even amazes me.

Moving forward to the Mayan Calendar and the year 2012, it is predicted that strange and mighty things will occur in that year, especially on December 21st, my birthday!!

I've always "figgered" there was something "extra special" about my birthday!! Now we know.

Tink

Subject: chris matthews hair color - Yahoo! Search Results
DEAR CHRISTOPHER -

Today, I was meditating in Yahoo and came across this page pertaining to your hair color.

For years, I have felt that I was "but the voice of one crying in the wilderness." I was wrong. There are 1,450,000 sites pertaining to this subject. most of which are making fun of you for dying your hair. I don't like that! Only I get to tease you.

Frankly, it is incomprehensible that a man of your education and intelligence would dye what has to be one of the most beautiful heads of blond hair I have ever seen. It is tantamount to self-immolation. It does not look good, believe me!

While I'm at it, I hasten to remind you to stop looking down when you go to break. It makes your face look "puffy" and "older." I simply want you to present in the best possible light.

As your personal anthropologist, you should do as I say.

Tink

Subject: YOUR RATINGS
DEAR CHRISTOPHER -

When I was with Combined Insurance Company of America, they declared me to be a "master of marketing." My ensuing success in the insurance business would tend to sustain the allegation.

With that in mind, I would like to offer the following suggestion to get the ratings of HARDBALL up to a more satisfactory level.

Using the attached picture of you, I want full-page color ads taken out in TIME and NEWSWEEK Magazines with this caption:

"Expose yourself to a kinder, gentler Chris Matthews. Join the millions who do."

I realize I am "stretching the truth" a little, but, what the hey, everybody else does.

These ads will undoubtedly get you more viewers and, at the very least, create a lot of "buzz."

Because MSNBC features people from both magazines a lot, they should give you a good deal on rates. They had better. The last thing in the world they want is to get me on their backs. LOL

Tink

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