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On her new album, The Fame Monster, Lady Gaga said that each song on the album addresses a specific “monster” in her life. After listening to the songs, the following is an attempt to find the “monster” in each song:

Bad Romance : Fear of falling in love with Charlie Sheen. I proffer, “I want your ugly. I want your disease. I want your horror. I want your psycho.”

Alejandro: Fear of the intrusion of Spanish culture upon American culture.

Monster: Fear of what one looks like after going to bed before drying one’s hair.

So Happy I Could Die: Fear of death from too much happiness.

Speechless: Fear of the moments in between lyrics where one is not singing and awkward dancing is unbearably obvious.

Dance in the Dark: Fear of wearing pant legs, even when the lights are off so no one will see you.

Telephone: Fear of people calling you when you’re dancing.

Teeth: Fear of cavities.

Disco Heaven: Fear of finding out heaven is a disco dance. And the subsequent mutilation. And the self-promise to never, ever die.

Paper Gangsta: Fear you will not get away with cheating on your income taxes.